I have been using ChatGPT a lot to plan my future. Finances, finding attorneys, creating scripts for bad situations my husband puts myself or kids in. Even analyzing text messages or what he says or does to ground me in reality. It’s been insanely helpful.

This morning I almost felt guilty for all this planning. He started talking about a trip he wanted to take the kids on next summer. The reality is that a situation happened with him yesterday that significantly made me shrink my timeline on separating. “We” won’t be next summer. But then the guilt crept in, “he’s planning for the future… and I’m planning for the end.” So again I turned to trusty ChatGPT and it made me a list of 10 reasons I’m doing this. #10 stopped me in my tracks:

10. I Deserve a Life That Doesn’t Hurt

I deserve respect. I deserve partnership. I deserve emotional safety. I deserve to feel calm in my own home. I deserve a future that isn’t built on pretending things are fine.

Well shit… I do deserve that. I do deserve to not feel tense and anxious all the time.

Here’s the rest of the list in case anyone is experiencing anything similar:

1. Current Behavior vs. Imagined Future

He talks about vacations and future plans. His actions — not words — have repeatedly created instability, stress, and emotional harm. Planning for divorce is based on patterns, not on one moment of “future talk.”

2. My Decision Is Based on Repeated, Documented Incidents

I am not making decisions from emotion.

I am making them from:

Manipulation Blame-shifting Weaponized joking Undermining me with the kids Financial irresponsibility Emotional and psychological harm Inconsistent or unsafe parenting choices

I have months of documentation showing consistent patterns.

3. My Children’s Emotional and Developmental Needs Come First

My 5-year-old is showing signs of anxiety, insecurity, and hypervigilance. My toddler becomes distressed by his reactions and tone. The environment is affecting their attachment, safety, and emotional stability. Taking steps toward a healthier home is an act of protection, not betrayal.

4. His Future Plans Do Not Replace Responsibility

Talking about Hawaii does not address the issues that led me here. Vacation talk doesn’t change his daily behavior or treatment of me and the kids. Hopeful talk is easy; accountability is hard — and he has shown no pattern of genuine accountability.

5. I’m Allowed to Make Plans He Doesn’t Know About

Safety planning is normal and necessary in unhealthy relationships. I don’t need his permission to prepare. My inner planning does not harm him — it protects me and my children.

6. I’ve Already Tried:

Communicating needs Offering solutions Setting boundaries Seeking support Carrying most of the emotional, physical, and financial load

If he wanted real change, I wouldn’t still be here planning alone.

7. My Feelings Are Valid

Feeling guilty does not mean I’m wrong. It means I have empathy and I’m unlearning years of conditioning. My clarity remains intact even when my emotions wobble.

8. Planning for Divorce Is an Act of Responsibility

I’m ensuring stability for myself and my children. I’m preparing legally and financially. I’m creating a path toward peace, predictability, and safety. I’m making decisions based on patterns — not promises.

9. The Long-Term Wellbeing of My Children Matters More Than His Temporary Disappointment

A healthy, secure environment is essential. I am modeling self-respect, boundaries, and emotional safety. Children thrive in homes where adults are emotionally regulated and supportive — not unpredictable or dismissive.

And on that note… never doubt the power of ChatGPT when used for good and powerful reasons 😩