I was certain I was going to file.

I had reached that place — the place where your mind feels resolved, your heart feels quiet, and you think, this is it. I’m ready.

And then my birthday came.

And the waves came with it.

More than anything in the days prior, I had been steady. Searching for stillness. Moving intentionally. Planning gently. Preparing for a new beginning.

I started searching for my story in other people’s stories. I started trying to predict the future.

And then suddenly, my nervous system was loud again.

Flooded. Overstimulated. Pulled in too many emotional directions at once.

I realized something important in that moment:

I wasn’t ungrounded because I was weak.

I was ungrounded because my body was still catching up to what my soul already knew.

So I paused.

I put my phone down.

I took a breath.

I let myself recalibrate before pushing forward.

Because here is the truth I’m learning in real time:

Growth is not always linear.

Healing is not always quiet.

Becoming does not always follow the timeline we create in our heads.

And slowing down does not mean you are stopping.

It means you are listening.

It means you are choosing to move forward with your whole body — not just your mind.

I am calm now. Steady again. But more importantly, I am self-led again.

I am no longer easily swayed by emotional pressure.

I am no longer rushing to soothe discomfort at the expense of my own truth.

I am no longer apologizing for needing to feel grounded before making life-altering decisions.

So I’m taking a few more days.

Not because I’m afraid.

Not because I’m unsure.

But because I respect my nervous system enough to let it arrive at the future my soul already chose.

Growth doesn’t always look linear, quick, or clean.

But that doesn’t mean it has stopped.

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do…

is slow down — and keep going anyway.