For several weeks, I have just felt a tightness in my neck. To the point it almost became unbearable.

A few nights ago, I put my neck massager on and almost immediately found the knot. I let the massager do its thing, felt a pop, and suddenly I could almost hear better in my left ear. The knot was large enough to compress blood flow.

Since then, I have been so acutely aware of how much tension my body has been holding, if not for months, years. My normal, I’ve been living with, was actually physical pain. When you’re in survival mode 90% of the time, you don’t realize it. When you start to slow down, plan and reenter your own body, it becomes painfully apparent.

Not only have I continued to plan for my future, I’ve been dealing with a few medical emergencies with my own mom. Life is kind of kicking my ass right now and I can feel it.

I’m trying to take time to make sure that I am consciously stretching, breathing, and removing tension in my body several times per day. The soreness resides, like I’ve been lifting weights every single minute of my life, but I will get there.

Soon, there will be a day when the pain doesn’t exist, not because I’ve forgotten it, but because my body will no longer be holding things that do not belong to me.