Several weeks ago we talked about divorce mutually. I was excited, I was happy. He was going to do this peacefully. Thank god. But I think he saw I was ok with it. I think he was hoping for chaos and pain. I was calm. I was hopeful.

So he threw out, “ok I’m going to take (youngest name) with me. (Oldest name) won’t come with me so I won’t bother.”

That crushed everything about what I was feeling. I started crying hysterically. “Over my dead body” were my exact words. He got the reaction he wanted.

The next morning he was all apologies and I don’t want to break up. I just conceded because I knew I had to reevaluate how I did things. I realized he’s never actually going to let this end peacefully. I realized he’s going to fight for 50/50 although he’s never done an ounce of basics daily care in ears. He doesn’t feed them. I have to beg him to get off his phone and get them food if I’m on the middle of something.

So again, I’m on pause until I plan and document more because I need to be well prepared for him to make this hard. I need to make sure I’m not easily manipulated and in a solid state.

The best laid plans… I was hoping to be nearing the end of this by this point and here we are.