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About last night… reflecting on my last post
After I wrote about not apologizing anymore, I thought of some of the most insane moments of this relationship. It was pre-kids, while we were living together. I remember one of our many fights, probably over nothing. I was probably joking with him, and he got so incredibly angry. This happened often. Things I would…
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No more apologies
When I call him out on his bad behavior he gets angry and will say “how dare you say that. Apologize right now!” He’s done this since we started living together. I used to cry and apologize. I would grovel and try to explain what I meant. I was afraid he’d leave. Now I only…
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A juxtaposition of who I was before and during
I found this in a variety of journals from over the years. This first writing was from 2016, when I was with my ex, the person who should have been my life person. The next is 2-3 years later, with my now husband. We were a few months into our relationship. The fact that I…
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I should have trusted my gut…
I found this in a journal this morning. I wrote this. I’m pretty sure a year into us dating…
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You Have To Make Your Own Sunshine
I have spent the last 9 years walking on eggshells, ensuring I didn’t upset my husband. Making sure he wouldn’t leave me. I remember the first time this happened. We were engaged, and I was begging him for forgiveness, even though he was the one acting irrationally. This isn’t about revenge, it’s about freedom and…
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Has he cheated? Probably.
Why am I still married? Well, as of right now, I make more money than he does. I worry he will try to get alimony or at least try to make the divorce as expensive as possible for me, just to make my life harder. And let’s be clear, as a mom of two boys,…
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The Confusing Parts of Narcissim
It’s not always bad. Sometimes we have moments of connection and laughter. But then I’m reminded who I am married to, and it all comes crashing down. I think that’s why I ignored so many of the red flags and never left, even though I knew in my gut I should. Even on our wedding…
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Quietly Reclaiming Myself
Like I’ve said, I’m in it for the long game. I need to prepare myself and finances first. I’m also quietly reclaiming myself. I don’t think he has noticed, but a narcissist wouldn’t comment on it if he did. I’ve been actually getting ready for work, wearing make-up, wearing jewlery, doing my hair. I used…
Wild & Rooted 