Tag: mental-health
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Without Apology

I deserve the world. I am not too much— not too loud, not too demanding, not too opinionated. I think with my heart. I live in color. I want to be free. I want to use my voice. I exist— without apology, without shrinking, without asking permission. I am not too much.
Jessica Blake
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Watching a Narcissist Spiral (author’s post)
I talked to my first attorney today. It was not the relief I thought I’d feel. In fact, afterward, I started feeling physically ill. Like sore throat, body aches, the whole nine. I was fine before the phone call, but my entire body just gave in afterward. I have moments where I ask myself if…
Jessica Blake
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You thought you could Dim me- a poem
First of all, I have never written poetry. Never. Last night as I was drifting off to sleep o started saying these lines and I knew I’d have to sit up and write them down before full falling asleep otherwise they’d be gone forever. this morning I woke and finished the last stanza. You Thought…
Jessica Blake
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Tonight almost broke me (author’s post)
Tonight I almost said flat out I want a divorce. It wasn’t some earth shattering fight. I was just blamed, gaslit, belittled and talked down to all in one swoop. I gray-rocked and I hid my emotions but I almost fell apart. I almost burst into tears because I cannot take it anymore. I cannot…
Jessica Blake
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I deserve a life that doesn’t hurt (author’s post)

I have been using ChatGPT a lot to plan my future. Finances, finding attorneys, creating scripts for bad situations my husband puts myself or kids in. Even analyzing text messages or what he says or does to ground me in reality. It’s been insanely helpful. This morning I almost felt guilty for all this planning.…
Jessica Blake
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Life is funny sometimes (author post)

I climbed on my Peloton treadmill tonight (yes, I know that’s the whitest mom shit I’ve ever said but it’s who I am. I own that). My name on there is Fittestbyforty. I turn 38 in January… I giggled to myself because now my goal is #divorcedbyforty. I guess the goals could be one in…
Jessica Blake
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Tolerate It.
I was in my car on the way to work and the song “Tolerate It,” by Taylor Swift came on. I listened and then listened to it again. If that isn’t the anthem for victims of narcissists, I don’t know what is. Here is a portion of the lyrics: I wait by the door like…
Jessica Blake
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“You Hate Me”
A few days ago, he tried to convince me he was having an affair. Again, whether he is or isn’t, I don’t give a shit. I wish he would just commit to leaving if that was the case. Regardless of that, he wanted me to act jealous, and when I didn’t, he got pissed that…
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“Josh” and “Alice”

I wrote this very short story in 2019… when he and I moved in together. It’s so clearly about he and I, I don’t even remember writing it. She stared out into the darkness as they sat on their hotel balcony. She was sitting next to the man of her dreams but felt lonelier than…
Jessica Blake
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About last night… reflecting on my last post

After I wrote about not apologizing anymore, I thought of some of the most insane moments of this relationship. It was pre-kids, while we were living together. I remember one of our many fights, probably over nothing. I was probably joking with him, and he got so incredibly angry. This happened often. Things I would…
Jessica Blake
