Tag: grief
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I go back to December (actually September-December) all the time
It’s my own fault, although, I’m trying to have grace. Leaving an almost 10 year relationship, with kids, isn’t exactly a walk in the park. I feel like I’m relieving those 4 months that really solidified that I needed to leave. It’s almost like Groundhog Day. The same conversations and arguments that go unresolved. Almost…
Jessica Blake
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Hope is a sneaky bastard…
Hope can be a wonderful beautiful thing… But sometimes hope is one sneaky bastard. Hope can keep you somewhere you don’t belong for too long. “Maybe it’ll get better.” “Maybe he’ll hear me this time.” Sometimes in order to heal you have to let go of hope… Sometimes you need to realize the current situation…
Jessica Blake
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Sometimes One Phrase Wrecks Your Plans
Several weeks ago we talked about divorce mutually. I was excited, I was happy. He was going to do this peacefully. Thank god. But I think he saw I was ok with it. I think he was hoping for chaos and pain. I was calm. I was hopeful. So he threw out, “ok I’m going…
Jessica Blake
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Releasing What I Didn’t Know I Was Holding
For several weeks, I have just felt a tightness in my neck. To the point it almost became unbearable. A few nights ago, I put my neck massager on and almost immediately found the knot. I let the massager do its thing, felt a pop, and suddenly I could almost hear better in my left…
Jessica Blake
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Building Flowers in a Burning Room.

My kitchen table is covered in tiny plastic petals.Yellow, blush, ivory, sage.My hands are snapping together LEGO flowers while my life feels like it’s quietly imploding in the background. The world I live inside right now is loud.Emotionally unpredictable.Heavy with tension.Full of things that make my nervous system brace itself even when nothing is “happening.”…
Jessica Blake
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Small Voices, Big Reminders

I was organizing the house for Christmas — the quiet, in-between kind of organizing where nothing is actually finished, but everything feels like it’s slowly finding its place again. Half-sorted toys sat in wild piles that became more chaotic as the boys dug through them. The boys were doing their usual parallel play, where they…
Jessica Blake
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How Light Escapes

It was evening, standing over the stove, like she did day after day. She felt it first as a crack— a hairline fracture, then something spreading beneath the surface. Her life had grown too small, her light too big. At first she thought it was a broken heart. Then she called it grief— mourning a…
Jessica Blake
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Tonight almost broke me (author’s post)
Tonight I almost said flat out I want a divorce. It wasn’t some earth shattering fight. I was just blamed, gaslit, belittled and talked down to all in one swoop. I gray-rocked and I hid my emotions but I almost fell apart. I almost burst into tears because I cannot take it anymore. I cannot…
Jessica Blake
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I deserve a life that doesn’t hurt (author’s post)

I have been using ChatGPT a lot to plan my future. Finances, finding attorneys, creating scripts for bad situations my husband puts myself or kids in. Even analyzing text messages or what he says or does to ground me in reality. It’s been insanely helpful. This morning I almost felt guilty for all this planning.…
Jessica Blake
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Tolerate It.
I was in my car on the way to work and the song “Tolerate It,” by Taylor Swift came on. I listened and then listened to it again. If that isn’t the anthem for victims of narcissists, I don’t know what is. Here is a portion of the lyrics: I wait by the door like…
Jessica Blake
