Tag: narcissim
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Sometimes One Phrase Wrecks Your Plans
Several weeks ago we talked about divorce mutually. I was excited, I was happy. He was going to do this peacefully. Thank god. But I think he saw I was ok with it. I think he was hoping for chaos and pain. I was calm. I was hopeful. So he threw out, “ok I’m going…
Jessica Blake
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I’m Still Here…Just Processing
Things have not gone according to plan, or at least the plan I created in my head. I wanted to file on my birthday and serve in the days following. However, that was the same week I went back to work. My nervous system became overwhelmed. I couldn’t file. I couldn’t even think about having…
Jessica Blake
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Building Flowers in a Burning Room.

My kitchen table is covered in tiny plastic petals.Yellow, blush, ivory, sage.My hands are snapping together LEGO flowers while my life feels like it’s quietly imploding in the background. The world I live inside right now is loud.Emotionally unpredictable.Heavy with tension.Full of things that make my nervous system brace itself even when nothing is “happening.”…
Jessica Blake
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Small Voices, Big Reminders

I was organizing the house for Christmas — the quiet, in-between kind of organizing where nothing is actually finished, but everything feels like it’s slowly finding its place again. Half-sorted toys sat in wild piles that became more chaotic as the boys dug through them. The boys were doing their usual parallel play, where they…
Jessica Blake
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Watching a Narcissist Spiral (author’s post)
I talked to my first attorney today. It was not the relief I thought I’d feel. In fact, afterward, I started feeling physically ill. Like sore throat, body aches, the whole nine. I was fine before the phone call, but my entire body just gave in afterward. I have moments where I ask myself if…
Jessica Blake
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Tonight almost broke me (author’s post)
Tonight I almost said flat out I want a divorce. It wasn’t some earth shattering fight. I was just blamed, gaslit, belittled and talked down to all in one swoop. I gray-rocked and I hid my emotions but I almost fell apart. I almost burst into tears because I cannot take it anymore. I cannot…
Jessica Blake
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Episode 3- From gray to vivid color

The next few days passed in that dull, soft-gray way life sometimes does — packed lunches, the same four dinner options, endless laundry cycles like waves smoothing down whatever edges she had left. Sydney felt herself moving through rooms instead of living in them. Little things had started catching in her chest. Her husband leaving…
Jessica Blake
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Tolerate It.
I was in my car on the way to work and the song “Tolerate It,” by Taylor Swift came on. I listened and then listened to it again. If that isn’t the anthem for victims of narcissists, I don’t know what is. Here is a portion of the lyrics: I wait by the door like…
Jessica Blake
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“Josh” and “Alice”

I wrote this very short story in 2019… when he and I moved in together. It’s so clearly about he and I, I don’t even remember writing it. She stared out into the darkness as they sat on their hotel balcony. She was sitting next to the man of her dreams but felt lonelier than…
Jessica Blake
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About last night… reflecting on my last post

After I wrote about not apologizing anymore, I thought of some of the most insane moments of this relationship. It was pre-kids, while we were living together. I remember one of our many fights, probably over nothing. I was probably joking with him, and he got so incredibly angry. This happened often. Things I would…
Jessica Blake
